


Bewitched

by ishipthat



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Demisexual Character, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sexuality Crisis, Texting, implied bisexuality, movies - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2019-01-19 07:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12406104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishipthat/pseuds/ishipthat
Summary: “That’s ridiculous.” He forced out a dry laugh, trying to counter the implication that he and Farah… could ever. “I’d probably sooner date you than Farah!” He laughed again, but it tasted bitter on his tongue.The boys watch a movie in an attempt to ‘bond’. Somehow it goes better than expected, despite Todd impending sexuality crisis.





	Bewitched

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to the ‘toad... is perfect’ group chat. Stay gay, my babies. 
> 
> Feel free to leave crit and feedback. I’m not a frequent writer so this is whatever it is.

Dirk Gently was the most obnoxiously irritating person he’d ever met.

This ball of sunshine and tragic optimism had barrelled into Todd’s life and turned it into utter chaos. He was perfectly content to amble through his shitty job, take care of his deceived sister, and fake smiles to his parents for the rest of his laughable existence. If by ‘content’ you meant ‘bordering on intense depression’.

But apparently, the universe had other plans - according mostly to just Dirk himself, who was supposedly an authority on these things.

Dirk had been a literal wrecking ball in the foundations of his miserable life, and he’d helped dismantle everything he knew with a smile and a brightly coloured jacket. And Todd fucking hated him. Except he almost didn’t. His life was a sham that was slowly tearing him apart, and maybe the universe had sent this ball of oddity wrapped in foolish charm to fix that.

After all, it took all of three blows to really get Todd Brotzman to crumble. The first had been losing his job, which undoubtedly boiled down to Dirk’s time traveling shenanigans. The second had been setting into motions events that forced him to untangle his lies. And the third was… much more complicated. Todd had questioned the way he viewed the workings of the world, all the facts of being he knew to be true, and his place in the great space of the universe.

It was some pretty heavy shit. And Dirk was a douchebag.

Todd Brotzman, as he knew himself to be, was a liar, a bellhop, a messy drunk, and a thief. He was not someone who witnessed murders, solved puzzles, and took and saved lives. Yet here he was, standing in the threshold of his significantly shittier apartment, staring at the centre of the universe.

Dirk had his legs dangled over the arm of the sofa, his body contorted awkwardly so his head hung backwards off the stained couch cushions. He was texting rapidly on his phone, smiling stupidly to himself. Todd wanted to reach over and smack the grin right off of him.

The whole ordeal had climaxed in the rescuing of Lydia Spring. And then taken an odd turn towards them both being in employment under Farah, who owned a barely passable detective agency that Dirk insisted on putting his ridiculous name on, like a god damn beacon for crime. His sister was off living her best life, decidedly far away from him, and he was bitterly pleased for her.

God knows if he was a rat aboard the HMS Todd, he would’ve been swimming for safety years ago.

His attention was guided back to the man who was currently sofa surfing permanently in his residence. Dirk huffed out an absurd chuckle towards his phone and smashed his thumbs against the screen again.

“You know, Farah is quite funny.” He didn’t take his eyes away from his phone as he spoke, enunciating in the same dramatic tone he always used. “She uses these emojis to make little stories and I have the best time figuring out what they mean. It’s like sudoku for people who text.”

Todd pinched the bridge of his nose and walked past into the kitchenette. “I don’t care.” He huffed.

Not missing a beat, though Todd’s words had been mumbled, Dirk responded. “Well I think it’s hilarious. Did you know an eggplant emoji can mean-”

“ _Yes_. Dirk. I know what it means.” He spluttered, interrupting before he could hear those kind of words coming out of the mouth of a man who dressed like a ten year old Disney Channel star.

Except. No. Dirk may have the style of a child and the blind faith of an infant, but he had an air about him that was fiercely provocative. Almost like he defied the world, dared it to challenge him beyond his capabilities. He was like an untapped power hiding in a body that projected innocence.

Almost like the soul of a shark trapped inside the body of a kitten.

Todd nearly laughed at the thought of everything being connected.

“Could you get me a drink?” Dirk asked in a tone that was more casual than it had the right to be. “Please.” He tacked on like an afterthought, as if he was reminding himself that normal people responded well to manners, not demands.

“Get it yourself.” And Todd poured himself a glass of water he didn’t even want out of spite, walking over to slump down in the small gap next to Dirk’s head and the other end of the couch.

“You’re not a very good assisfriend.”

He watched what looked like a pout appear on the mans face, and winced. He knew himself to be a dick, but when other people pointed it out it made him feel sour.

“Stop sitting like that, you’re ruining the arm.” Dirk rolled his legs off the arm of the couch and manoeuvred himself into an upright position, throwing a defensive look at Todd.

Feeing a wave of guilt, Todd handed Dirk the glass he had yet to drink from, passing it off as a reluctant gesture.

“Thanks, pal!” He grinned, pressing his shoulder into Todd as he moved away.

And it was that casual intimacy that always had him a little thrown. He never saw the detective so at ease with other people. He didn’t know if that was his jumbled perception of friendship, or Todd’s intense paranoia regarding people’s motives. Either way, it made his stomach shift in a way he couldn’t decipher.

“Do we have a case then.” He gestured at the phone for a lack of anything better to do with his hands.

“No.” Dirk chirped back. “But Farah did call you a smelly eggplant.”

Todd’s jaw dropped without permission. “The fuck?”

He watched Dirk scramble closer, angling his phone screen at Todd. “Look, see the smiling poo face next to the eggplant, and that grumpy face is you.”

He spluttered as he saw the arrangement of symbols on the screen. “I’m pretty sure she’s calling me a shitdi- you know what? Never mind.” He pushed himself off of the couch. “Have fun playing your emoji game with Farah.”

“Wait, Todd.” He felt a hand firmly on his wrist. When he turned to look at Dirk the expression on his face was unguarded and slightly distressed. “I thought, maybe we could… hang out. You know, bond before our next big case.” He did something silly with his eyebrows to try and hide what Todd had seen not seconds before.

The thing about Dirk was throwing him a bone could mean wagering your life in under an hours time. To say he was unpredictable and impulsive was a laughable understatement. Indulging his whims at the wrong time was like betting your last dollar on a coin toss, and Todd never really did like his luck.

But it was also an irresistible temptation of unknown excitement. Something that he’d skipped out on for the sake of drinking with his band and dropping out of college. His life may have been in severe danger more times in the last two months than it had ever been, but he’d also never felt so fucking _alive_ in spite of it all.

“What did you have in mind?” The look on Dirk’s face could’ve rivalled Times Square on New Year’s Eve.

 

* * *

 

The biggest shock to hit Todd since this whole thing began came in the form of Dirk barrelling back through the door half an hour later, one arm full of food and the other carrying a laptop case. He was out of breath for a reason Todd decided he didn’t want to know, and looking manically around the room.

“Perfect!” He exclaimed, dropping the snacks on the cushions, and pulling a half dismantled drawer unit towards the couch. He placed the laptop onto it and powered it up, wedging his body closer to Todd’s than it had been when he’d raced off earlier.

“What are you doing?”

“We.” Dirk answered.

“What?”

“What are _we_ doing, Todd. And the answer to that is a movie. We’re going to watch a movie.”

“Do I even want to know where you got that laptop?” It was a rhetorical question, obviously, but Todd was still surprised that Dirk didn’t try to answer it.

Dirk’s slender fingers flew across the keyboard in a blur of pale skin and Todd drew his eyes away to glance down at the pile of snacks. Spotting a pack of Skittles he gingerly picked them out and ripped them open quietly.

“You can help yourself, you know. They’re our bonding snacks! It’d be rude not to share.”

Todd extended the open packet out to Dirk’s line of sight and jiggled them around. Dirk reached over without looking and Todd made sure his hand went inside the packet instead of slapping the whole thing to the ground.

“Thanks, _friend_.” He could see the hints of a wild smile stretching across Dirk’s face. It was surprisingly contagious.

His attention was caught back to the laptop screen as a too loud title screen started blaring out of the tinny speakers. He didn’t even bother to ask what they were watching. Possibly out of fear that Dirk’s movie taste would be so far removed from his own.

The next ten minutes passed in an unremarkable fashion. They’d settled in next to each other, legs pressed together at the knee and a wall of food wedged between their thighs. The rustling of plastic packets and the off beat dialogue of the film was the only sound for what seemed like hours.

Dirk had chosen some kind of odd British comedy that turned out to be more compelling than he’d anticipated, and he fell into the plot without too much trouble.

The movie had just started to quicken, plot lines emerging and scenes getting deceptively more complicated, when Todd spotted it.

In the foreground, somehow significant to the main characters quest to find his troublesome friends, two figures came into view. A man with long hair held the hand of a shorter man in a leather jacket. They hovered in frame for a moment, before it cut to a close up of them laughing, leaning into each other’s space with casual affection.

For some reason it made Todd think of Dirk. He supposed it was down to the leather jacket, of which Dirk owned many. But no. It felt deeper than that.

He began to wonder if Dirk had ever been in a relationship before. He tried to unpick all of his previous inferences that he’d spent a lot of time alone and without friends, but Todd didn’t know much about the detectives past so, anything was possible.

As if sensing Todd tensing up next to him, Dirk turned to address him. “Everything ok?”

He nodded, trying to cut off his train of thought. Except, the two men were still on screen. Kissing now, apparently.

It looked… nice.

“Are you sure? We can pick a different movie if you’re- if you- if you don’t like it.”

The hesitation in his voice caused Todd to meet his eyes. He stared for a minute, still contemplating his history, before snapping out of it.

“Yeah, no, it’s fine.” Dirk frowned ever so slightly. “I was just thinking about something.”

“Do tell.” He prompted. Todd felt his stomach clench uncomfortably before reasoning in his head that it was perfectly normal to enquire about a friends dating history.

“I was just. I wondered if you’d ever dated anyone before. The men in the film just, made me think, maybe you might’ve. But you’ve never talked about anyone so,” He felt a blush crawl up his spine and bloom on his neck. “Have you?”

Dirk seemed to contemplate this for a moment that stretched on impossibly. The film was a forgotten background noise in his mind.

“Not really. And to say not really, I mean no. Never had the time, I guess. Too many fascinating cases to solve!” There was an edge to his voice that echoed in Todd’s head.

“Have you ever thought about dating… someone.”

“I suppose.” He punctuated the statement with a shrug.

“You suppose? What, you’ve never liked someone so much that you just _knew_ you wanted them?” Todd smiled lopsidedly, trying to bring the conversation back on to the road of casual curiosity.

“I’m not really built like that, Todd.” There was a huff of frustration that slipped out, narrowly avoiding Todd’s attention.

“Well, I mean, I’m not judging you or anything. It’s cool if you’re not like, a sexual person. I have a friend who’s the same.” That was a bit of a lie, but one of his brief band members played around with the ‘asexual’ label once.

Dirk shifted his leg away from Todd’s in an uncharacteristic gesture that had a shiver rippling over his body. He shrunk back a little and Todd wondered what he said. “It’s not that I’m not _sexual_.” It looked as though he was forcibly dragging the word out of his mouth. “I am, let’s say, selectively sexual. I need to connect with a person before such an element comes into play. I don’t really think about it all that much. I’ve got more on my plate than sex.”

The last part came off defensive and he pulled back even more.

“That’s cool, man. There’s probably a label for that. My friend, the asexual one, he was a labels kinda guy.”

He turned then, body relaxing back into the sofa cushions. “I’m not really exclusive on the type of person I might become attracted to.” He said, looking up at Todd from under his eyelashes, as if testing for his response.

“Ok. That’s fine too. I wasn’t trying to pry or imply or anything.”

“No, we should definitely talk about this sort of thing! After all, that’s what friends do, right?” It was a question that should’ve been rhetorical, but somehow sounded too desperate to be. “And what about yourself? Any maidens on the horizon?” He poked his arm, having perked up considerably since the conversation began.

“Maidens?” He quirked a brow disapprovingly. “Nah, I don’t exactly know any girls that aren’t my sister.” He snorted, pitying himself

“Of course you do. You know Farah. She’s very pretty and nice, if a tad scary.” Dirk pondered.

Todd was genuinely stunned that he’d forgotten Farah. It wasn’t that he didn’t think of her, more that he considered her to be so far removed from himself in a romantic sense that she may as well be his sister.

“I never thought about her like that. She’s too,” He floundered for a word that didn’t seem awkward. “Something.”

“Oh come off it, Todd. There was totally a spark when you met. Maybe not so much now, but I think you both have appealing chemistry, you’d be a great fit.” Dirk nudged him with his shoulder again and the heat lingered on his skin, even under the fabric of his hoodie.

“That’s ridiculous.” He forced out a dry laugh, trying to counter the implication that he and Farah… could ever. “I’d probably sooner date _you_ than Farah!” He laughed again, but it tasted bitter on his tongue.

Todd watched as Dirk processed the words, a reaction yet to properly form on his face. When it did come it was the opposite of what he’d expected. Dirk’s face scrunched up, bottom lip jutting out and eyes stormy.

“Oh and I suppose that idea is entirely repulsive.”

Todd wasn’t even being serious when he’d said it, and now the words had been given a gravity he didn’t want them to have. They fell between them, and Dirk was pulling away yet _again_ , dammit.

“That’s not what I said.”

“Then what did you say, Todd. Because it sounded like Farah wasn’t even on your radar, and I apparently exist so far away from her that I might as well not exist.”

“I just meant that I don’t think about Farah like that, and you’re more- more likely, I guess.”

“You guess?” He said sceptically.

“Well, I guess but I don’t really date boys. I’ve never, uhm. Thought about. _That_.” Todd receded into his head for a moment, trying to follow the route his thoughts were racing ahead to before his body could catch up. The mere idea of Dirk existing in his mind in that way was nothing short of baffling and unprecedented.

Of course he’d never imagined him as a sexual being outside of this conversation and it was really throwing him for a loop.

Dirk kissing people. Dirk kissing _boys_. Dirk kissing him. _Him_ kissing _Dirk_. Irritating, erratic, wonderful Dirk.

“Sorry,” Dirk’s lovely accent cut into his daydream. “I tend to get a little worked up when I feel insulted. Not that it insults me that you’re not attracted to me! It wouldn’t matter either way, of course. I’m simply trying to say that you can be attracted to girls and not me and it has absolutely no affect on me whatsoever.” He finished triumphantly, nodding curtly at Todd and exhaling deeply.

Todd was shaken. The sudden and defensive onslaught of Dirk’s words were working their way through his head in a mass of confusion. He concluded that his friend was suggesting that Todd would never think of him in such a way and. Well. That had to be true, right? Because Todd was straight and as far as he knew Dirk was a man and it wouldn’t be possible for him to find a man attractive.

He thought back to the men in the film, kissing in a way that looked comfortable and soft. He then looked over to Dirk, studying his face, eyes dropping uncontrollably to his lips.

They looked comfortable and soft.

“And what if I did?”

“I’m sorry?” Dirk asked.

“What if I did feel attracted to you?”

Boys, god. _Boys_. Most of the boys Todd had ever met have been worlds away from Dirk and his magnetism.

All at once it became highly probable that Todd Brotzman was attracted to Dirk Gently.

“Well, I would find no problem in that. You’re a very aesthetically pleasing person with a lot to give the world. You’re a fantastic guitarist, a good friend, and overall very pleasant to be around.”

“I’m serious, Dirk.”

“So am I, _Todd_. Why would you think I wasn’t?”

“Because! Because you’re not freaking out! You don’t find it weird at all that a person you thought of as a friend might think of you differently!” He threw his hands around wildly, panic raising in his voice as the true extent of his feelings became more apparent to him. He was utterly fucked.

“Oh and I suppose you think it’s entirely impossible that the sentiment might be returned.” He replied haughtily, shoving the snack pile to the floor as he stood up.

“Wait, what?” Todd shook his head, trying to disrupt the cloud of confusion that had formed during this partially hypothetical, partially groundbreakingly serious conversation.

“You think if you ever liked me it’d be totally out of the realms of possibility for me to like you also. In a romantic sense.” Dirk turned away from the sofa, shielding his face from judgement. “Well, Todd, I have certain news for you.”

He seemed to sit with the words for a minute. He untangled every loose statement and half-implied comment until he was left with what could only be the truth.

“So, you actually like me. In a romantic sense.” Obviously again, not a question.

Dirk’s hands clenched at his side and Todd rose to meet him. “I thought it was quite clear.”

He took hold of the detectives sleeve softly, fingers grazing against the warm skin of his wrist in a surprisingly jarring accident, pulling at him slightly. Dirk gave out quickly and allowed Todd to turn him around with a delicate touch, smooth and easy.

His hands unclenched when his eyes locked with Todd’s.

Todd was struck by Dirk’s face, though he had only seen it moments ago. He let his eyes drop again to his mouth, studying the soft pink tones, and glide up to his strong jaw that was set holding a frown. He was completely taken by how stunning the other man was, in every aspect of his body, from the way he carried himself right down to the way he talked and moved. It all emanated happiness and confidence and sunshine.

How could he not fall for that?

“You’re beautiful.” Todd whispered, astounded he’d let it tumble out of him.

In a moment of sheer madness and elation, Todd rushed forward and pressed his lips clumsily against Dirk’s. He let out a startled squeak that caused Todd to pull away.

“No wait,” Dirk’s expression was lax and he blinked slowly. “Not done with that.” He pulled Todd back in by his shirt, mouths finding each other and settling together perfectly.

Todd’s plump lower lip was caught between Dirk’s as they moved against each other. A hand came up to hold the taller man flush to his body, and he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders in response. When they pulled away in a mutual gesture, Todd exhaled every pent up feeling he’d been holding onto.

He was definitely and undeniably into dudes. And one quite specifically.

“You okay down there?” Dirks voice cracked a little as though he hadn’t spoken in hours, looking down a Todd with the sweetest smile he’d ever seen.

“Of course.” His returning smile was lazy and blissful. “You okay up there?”

“Never better.”

Like a magnet suddenly realising it’s polarity, they rushed towards each other, a scramble of hands clutching wherever they could find purchase, lips moving enthusiastically. Dirk pushed back, greedily taking Todd’s lower lip into his mouth a biting down softly, following it with a soothing flick of his tongue. They walked backwards until legs hit the couch and they toppled over, not once falling apart.

Todd groaned, the noise clawing itself from his chest, and pressed himself up into Dirk. They found themselves horizontal on the uneven surface of the couch cushions, legs dangling off the end in an imitation of Dirk a few hours ago.

He pulled back from Todd, grinning down at him like he couldn’t believe where they were.

“In case it wasn’t clear, I definitely like you.”

“I managed to deduce that much.”

Todd’s face split into a ridiculous smile as laughter erupted from his mouth. “Good.”

He sparred a thought for his now undetermined sexuality, like a discarded train ticket that was no longer worth anything and therefor redundant. It didn’t matter for now, because the only think that did was pressed up against his front and covered in sunshine.

“Can we go back to the kissing now?”

Todd laughed again. 


End file.
